if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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