i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
