Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
