Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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