I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
