someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize