I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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