The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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