I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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