and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
