I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
