Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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