it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
