Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
