If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
