connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
