I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
