why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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