my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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