Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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