Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
