My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
