a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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