shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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