he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
