i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
