all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize