So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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