There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
