You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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