I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
