no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
