yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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