Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My hand turned me down
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize