So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize