Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
