oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
