put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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