Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
