I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
