are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize