i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
