Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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