i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
