Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
