peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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