please come you make the beer taste better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
