It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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