I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
