i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All the doctor said was why
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
