I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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