Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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