I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
