so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
