i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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