I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
