So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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