If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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