Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
