if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
