I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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