It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize