my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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