This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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