The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
