I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Michael Bay diarrhea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
3 2 1 whiskey
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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