The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize