is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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