alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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