Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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