Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
