YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
