I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize