apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
