We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize