JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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