Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
