Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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